Today, we talk body love with Lucia Pavone is an international speaker, instructor of the art of sensuality, with an emphasis on full body orgasm. Tired of feeling like you’re too much or not enough? Learn why getting to know your body (and love the body you’re in) is the key to happiness.
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About Lucia Pavone
Lucia Pavone is an international speaker, instructor of the art of sensuality, with an emphasis on full body orgasm. Lucia is a pleasure instigator. She supports those who identify as women to connect to their sensuality, love the body they are in and have a sex life worth bragging about.
Her journey of sexual emancipation began over 16 years ago when she took her first sensuality course. Quickly realizing the pursuit of pleasure was her calling, she became a dedicated researcher of communication, relationships and sensuality. Busting through the limitations put on a woman’s orgasm, she’s experienced over 6,000 hours of Deliberate Embodied Orgasm (full body, extended orgasm).
Lucia has been featured on the Ignite Intimacy podcast, Taboo Talk, Performers Creative Lab Podcast, and discoverHER radio, as well as been featured in medium.com and bustle.com. For the past 2 years, she’s hosted a weekly livestream on OSchool, a pleasure-based sex education website, as seen in Forbes, Huffington Post, Glamour and recently went viral on NOW THIS.
Lucia believes that by experiencing the universe through sensual gratification, pleasurable communication, and a woman’s orgasm, life has infinite possibilities.
Transcript: Love the Body You’re in with Lucia Pavone
Jen: Hello and welcome to the podcast. I’m your host, Jen McFarland. Today we talk body love with Lucia Pavone, an international speaker, instructor of the art of sensuality with an emphasis on full body orgasm, tired of feeling like you’re too much or not enough. Learn why getting to know your body and to love the body you’re in is the key to happiness. All that and more.Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, recorded at the Vandal Lounge in beautiful southeast Portland, Oregon. Why the Third Paddle? Because even the most badass entrepreneurs get stuck up in Business Shit Creek. Management consultant Jennifer McFarland is your third paddle, helping you get unstuck.
Jen: Today’s episode is the 3rd installment of our women’s series. This is an acknowledgement that there is so much more to women than our businesses and if there’s one area of our lives that has us all confused and bound up, it’s our bodies. We’re often told that we’re too much in some things and not enough and other things, and it is so hard to be told you way too much. You don’t weigh enough. I don’t like your clothes and it can really impact what we do in our business if we don’t love our bodies and know our bodies. So I brought in Lucia Pavone. Lucia is an international speaker, instructor of the art of sensuality with an emphasis on full body orgasm, and she will tell you that orgasm isn’t necessarily what you think it is. It’s more than just the climax. Lucia is a pleasure instigator. She supports those who identify as women to connect with to their sensuality, love the body they’re in and have a sex life worth bragging about. Oh yeah. Her journey of sexual emancipation began over 16 years ago when she took her first sensuality course quickly realizing the pursuit of pleasure was her calling. She became a dedicated researcher of communication, relationships, and sensuality busting through the limitations put on a woman’s orgasm. She experienced over 6,000 hours of deliberate embodied orgasm, full body extended orgasm.
Jen: Lucia has been featured in the ignite intimacy podcast, taboo talk performers, creative lab podcast, and discover her radio as well as being featured on medium.com and bustle.com for the past two years. She’s hosted a weekly live stream on old school, a pleasure-based sex education website, as seen in Forbes, Huffington Post, glamour, and recently went viral on NowThis. Lucia believes that by experiencing the universe through sensual gratification, pleasurable communication, and a woman’s orgasm, life has infinite possibilities. Let’s hear what Lucia has to say.
Lucia: This is a season where all the people in particular, people who identify as women, you know, they’re gathering all their tools and that’s the only way you could do it. And that’s why we’re coming together because I might have some tools that you don’t have and so on. So I might have some tools that I don’t have. And instead of being like, sorry, my tools are better than your tools, I’m like, Hey, let’s build a fucking, you know, kingdom brick by brick and, you know, live, live fund.
Jen: Yeah. And my colleague and she was a guest a couple of weeks ago. Melissa Bird talked about how we’re at the beginning and now we have the time for all the women to come together. And for all, you know, all throughout the past we’ve excluded people of different races or different backgrounds and now is the time, now is the beginning for everybody to come together and share and play well with each other, every time. Build it right.
Lucia: Every time can be a beginning. I gotTa tell you, we’ve been in it for a long time. I’ve been waiting around for some people to fucking step their shit up. Like, you know, this feminine, you know, pleasure thing. I’ve been doing this for years, like almost 20 years now. It’s like I had been on it and I’ve been shunned by some of my best friends who I’ve circled around and come back in and they said yes, come in and like learn, learn from me now because I have all these pieces and tools. So we have been in it. It’s just a matter of like who I’m like, how receptive people have been. And because, you know, one thing I’ve noticed is that there’s this like that, um, there’s like the generation x and then there’s like the millennials coming in, which is so nice because they’re coming into this new piece of themselves.
Lucia: My daughter’s like generation Z, right So they’re already knowing all this stuff. Like they put me to shame. They’re like, oh yeah, mom, we got this stuff down, like gender fluidity or cuddling with each other. Like all this stuff is there on already. But we’ve had to like relearn all this stuff. You know, the millennials are like, we’re going to fix you all. But we’ve laid the foundation by Gen generation before was really laying the foundations, making it clear that maybe women’s roles needed to change. They change things up around, um, around sexuality. But the roles in culture didn’t change yet, you know
Jen: Yeah. We don’t get, because I’m generation x two, we don’t get enough credit for being the ones who were like, hey, there’s another way of doing this. And then we were the first parents. I’m not a parent, but like we were the first parents to be like, hey kids, there’s another way. Because without that guidance from your family, sometimes it’s really hard to be like, I’m doing this another way, you know, and some of some of my friends have millennials, they’re parents of millennials and then also the y and the Z and I’m, I’m proud of our generation because we’re really small but very mighty.
Lucia: I agree. I feel like, um, there’s been this, you know, all the years of listening to like the cure and this kind of overflow. Like we had to figure things out without the Internet. Like I can’t even tell you how many times. Like I like went to the library looking for books about sex. When I was in seventh grade listening to Dr. Ruth on the radio and where my mom was like finally asked me in eight. I was in eighth grade and she’s like, I would just shout things out that Dr. Ruth said, and my mom finally asked me. She’s like, and she’d had five pregnancies and 4 children, four daughters at this time. And she still asked me, could you get me a book about sex. And I was like, yeah. I was so comfortable with doing that. Last Christmas, my little sister, she’s like, Lou, do you remember when you, you thought you wanted to be Dr. Ruth and you wanted to tell everybody about sex? Like you knew it because I was not having sex by the way. I was like the virgin that talked about sex or intercourse, what we thought was sex. Right And so, um, but yeah, but I was a know it all and I still am a no, not at all.
Jen: And you’re kind of like about sensuality and sexuality. You’re not Dr. Ruth, but you’re better…
Lucia: you know, I took it to another level. I was really great. I want to say I’m super grateful for all those people that actually put themselves out there as mentors that may or may not have even known that they were doing that. Like those people, like planted seeds for a lot of people, including my mentors. And um, you know, there’s been a long time unfolding around the value of understanding our sexuality, understanding the energy in our bodies, and it’s a hot topic, especially on the west coast, you know, sexual energy and Orgasm and, you know, every day, everywhere I look around, there’s this, you know, let’s get together and women circles and let’s have sex talks and let’s. And I love it. I want to say that that is in this day and age, you can’t have enough of that. You need that. We really need that. I think, oh my God, what
Lucia: No. See I interview, you know, this is what I do, this is my genius. It’s like because I love you so much. And I mean I just come into a room, people know this is one of the things that talk about, like when you walk into a room and people go, how you do it You’re like, yeah, everybody’s dying so and so has cancer, blah, blah, blah, blah. And that’s totally okay. But the minute somebody says, Hey, you know, my life is great. I just had a fucking awesome orgasm. I was like, no, I can’t talk about that. Everybody shuts down. Yeah. So I just make it okay for people to like actually talk about it. So instead of going, hey, how’s your day I’m like, how’s your sex life Because that is so much fun. More fun than like hearing about or my day, you know, like how your day is.
Lucia: It’s like, how’s your sex life And that can mean so many things. To me it’s like your sex life is not limited to the bedroom. Like it’s, you know, at some point we’re going to start to realize that, that part of that our sensuality actually extends out of the bedroom. You know, sensuality influences our sex life, but sensuality toe touches all parts of our life. So, um, you know, I believe a sex life is one that is getting better. A good sex life is, uh, is one that’s getting better. So, you know, my friends who know me now, they just tell me. They just tell me, you know, they all just go, well, you know, it’s good. Or Hey, I’d like to have more of this. And it’s, it’s so much more fun to speak about the things that are, are pleasurable or, or to bring up this conversation than almost any other conversation for me. And so, I mean, I don’t like talking about how my websites is not functioning well. Who Does I don’t know. I don’t know anybody who likes people I want to know. I want to fix it.
Jen: You know, it’s funny, uh, last week I was talking about how my business was evolving and about, you know, your next evolution, meaning like what are you becoming And I would say that when it comes to just where I’m at right now as a person and all facets of my life, I would say everything is just getting better and better. And I’m, I’m communicating better, I’m getting better about asking for what I want and expecting it to happen. And I think that it, it comes from age and experience. And knowing that from that as a woman, I have every right to have everything that anybody else does. And that wasn’t always how I felt about myself. So it’s like, it is part of the evolution and about how things are changing and shifting and that’s part of why I ask people how they’re changing and evolving and what’s preventing them from changing, like what has you stuck and how do we talk about it to, to make those shifts.
Jen: And that’s what this whole series that you’re a part of is really about, like our businesses are one aspect of us, but not everything. We’re not robots constantly outselling. We have families and we have lives and we have this body that is objectified or um, people complain about the clothes we wear or how, how much we weigh or what we look like or what we don’t look like or what we want to do or what we don’t want to do. And we are living in this body and it seems like we need to talk about that a little bit more just so that we can more holistically accept ourselves.
Lucia: I agree. So God, I feel like there’s so many topics in just the short amount of for me, you know.
Jen: Okay. So let’s, let’s, let me just start then. How about this so that people can learn a little bit more about you. Um, so, I mean you’ve kind of talked about it a little bit, but you are like super open about sensuality and pleasure and self love. So I mean, have you always felt this way and what was your journey like I mean, how did you get to where you are today, which is on school and helping women and planning a huge event.
Lucia: Right Thank you. First of all for having me, you know, be part of the series. I think the more we can weave into different places, not just a like on a screen about sex or sensuality, I think it’s super important to bring these pieces to every part of our life. How was it always that way Well, in some, in some regards I want to say yes, I was born and completely sensing being. And I’ve always felt quite embodied in who I was as a young girl, as a teenager, as a woman. There was something for me that this was my vehicle. My knowing was always around this lineage. So multiple levels of awareness here. Like I’ve been doing this work for multiples multiple lifetimes without a doubt. Like, for those viewers who like understand what that means. Like I have gone through my past lives always having been this part of, um, always having used this energy or known about this energy now in this lifetime, in this body and this vessel, there’s a lot.
Lucia: I have a big energy. So this vessel is within this immense amount of energy and like it’s almost too much. It’s not too much to contain. I just look for it and take it in in different ways. Now aware, being aware, being aware of it. I’ve struggled and gone through every piece of like, like getting my period at age 10 and Heidi, my underwear because I wasn’t the average age yet, which was 13. I had learned that in fourth grade that the average age of girl got her period was 13. So I didn’t want my family to think that I wasn’t like normal. So I hid my underwear. I couldn’t use tampons because my family was from a different country and belief that if I used tampons that I wouldn’t be a virgin anymore. Um, I was, grew up in a very strict Catholic Italian Catholic Roman Catholic household.
Lucia: So, um, I did everything. A good Catholic girl dead. So how did you get here How did you go from good Catholic girl to talking on old school Because I have a lot of Catholic friends. I had a brief period where I, myself was Catholic. They’re not all talking on old school. No, they’re not. So, um, well it was a progressive piece. Like I have always been a seeker. The big shift that had me get to this present day time happened after the birth of my daughter. I have an 18 year old daughter, so I was 28 when I had her. And I had gone through so many things that a, you know, I’d done a lot of things in my life and um, I was very confident in who I was and I had my daughter and um, I thought I knew everything about sex and birth.
Lucia: I mean, I was already, at this point, I was working with women as a pregnancy birth photographer, so I was taking a lot of photos around pregnant women and working with women who will give you a home birth. I actually had a home birth plan. I was um, that turned into a Sicilian section and I dealt with my own grief around not being able to grow vaginally. I dealt with complete neuro shutdown of my genitals. I dealt with a 80 pound weight gain. I dealt with disconnection from my partner of many years, um, and you know, which turned into like lying and deceit and all these things and a lot of things like there’s this a critical time, you know, back in like 2000 to 2002 were holy Shit. Everything hit the fan. The shit hit the fan. And I thought, my, this can’t be my life.
Lucia: Like I have this wild woman and you know, I’m a Leo. I’m, I read to row cards. I’m like all the unlike educated and here I am a mom, just a mom who’s nursing her kid feeling depressed, all these things. And not having sex or if I was having sex, it was like mediocre. I didn’t know how to. I didn’t know anything about communication. I felt. Um, and I was actually at the time I was um, supporting other women around like having vaginal birth after Cesarean section. I was educating them. I had founded the Santa Cruz chapter cofounded, the Santa Cruz chapter, the international sensory awareness network. And I was working with women. I’ve always worked with women. I love working with women because I’ve always seen the importance and the value of what we know that we a, we continue, um, humanity on the planet.
Lucia: Like start with like why the, why the universe as we know it continues. I’m, and that there’s so much inherent value in and values, like a one of those words that’s like, what does that mean Um, there’s so much that we offer a multiple levels and the creativity, the inspiration and even in this time of like feeling off or whatever, I was still supporting other women. And there was another woman in this group that was working who was like, Hey Luchea, you’re so juicy. And I’m just like, what does that mean Like I think you’d really literally love meeting my friends and um, you know, they, they teach courses about like sexuality and female orgasm and communication. And I was like, people do that, like I had no clue. And um, you know, considering that we only like actually put, put the full scope and diagram of a clitoris into textbooks and was discovered the clearest, the full clearer silty discovered in like, what, 19, 98 or something like that. Are you kidding me No. Like did you know that technically the full diagram of the colors that we see now pretty rapidly was discovered again in like, oh, I didn’t know that it out. Like what I just typed in when was the clutter is discovered and you’ll see like times that it was actually removed completely out of our all anatomy textbooks.
Jen: Seriously. Wow. Go ahead.
Lucia: So, um, so I felt like, you know, I kinda got in on this second wave of, of visionaries, which weren’t really visionaries who people were like, you know, what is, what is this, this whole thing that you know, that we can, what is, what does it really mean to be in a state of pleasure, to understand our sensuality, to actually learn about a woman’s orgasm, about the clearest. And you know, we think that, oh, you know, we all are, we all are, we all are born with the fucking equipment, right We’re all born with the parts. But man, it’s like here’s the parts with absolutely zero manual. There’s no manual.
Jen: I mean, not only that but like we’re. So I wanted to back up to something that you mentioned, but before I do that, um, so many of us live in shame of, of our bodies and our body parts and just because of the society we live in. And so then we don’t explore. I mean, I think that happens a lot as women that were like, we don’t explore our own bodies.
Lucia: Now we’re told that it’s like there’s all these pieces like, um, you know, it’s shameful to actually even look at our genitals, you know, for people who have penises, it’s right there, so you’re always going to touch it and look at it to use the bathroom. But for, for people who have clitorises and Volvo’s, it’s quite taboo still to even touch your genitals or look at them. I mean, I’ve had women take my courses who have had children who have never looked at their volvos, at their posters, at all, who have never like seen them evolve as until they’ve taken a course with me and put a hand in Europe. And it’s, it’s amazing. It’s amazing to me. Like, and this is one thing I want to say is like we are just because we’re on this call as white women in the United States, we are super privileged to be able to be talking about this and I and um, and bring it up. I want to really make this a point that we have the opportunity to actually talk and explore. And many women are denying themselves this. When other women in different countries are dying because they can’t express their sexuality or that they are expressing their sexuality and being shamed and killed for just showing parts of their bodies. So we owe it to ourselves and to humanity
Lucia: to understand our own sexual energy, our own sensuality, and we have to talk about it because it makes it okay. We are the ones who are doing it and historically women of color have been shamed around their sexuality. You know, I don’t want to quote statistics that I don’t know, but they’ve been already told that they’re too much. They’re too sexual there to this. So at some point, historically in the United States, women of color have had to shut this part of themselves down for, for protection. And you know, here we are as white women rising up in our sister circles, our little groups and doing all these things. And so I want to make it clear that,
Lucia: that we are privileged in having this conversation and adding it in. And so I feel honored that I can deliver this. And I think it’s important to do this work. So at the very least that something that might be hard, hard or difficult, we call hard or difficult to talk about. It’s almost crucial at this point. Like if we really want to expand and connect in communities and start to heal our planet, I really feel like it is up to women who have the privilege to actually talk about it. To take the lead on this and to say, you know, we have to do our own work. We have to do our own pieces and discover or what, what really is working so that we can actually, you know, let’s move into why the why part, why I do what I do is because I’m giving a voice to pleasure.
Lucia: You know, what it does in other parts of our lives is, is like the side effect. So the side effect of side effect, of understanding our genitals are pussies, are orgasm or cliteracy is confidence is knowing his connection to her intuition. It’s a loving ourselves are our self. Knowing is just expands. And when you are in that state of loving and knowing and feeling and you can’t help but to be like that with other people, it doesn’t matter if it’s connecting with your first Chakra, right I mean, that’s, that’s the, is that the root Chakra Yeah. I’m not an expert, but when you’re talking about that knowing, I mean, that’s what is all about. Of course, you know, there’s a root Chakra, but there’s also the sacral energy. And interestingly, if you know human design, I have an open root Chakra and a defined sacral shocker.
Lucia: Take Roll. My Sake. Roll Center is defined. So that’s like the sexual energy, the route, um, I feel grounded usually through other people and community. This is why I like shiny object. Um, so, so you’re passionate about it because it’s so critical to every other aspect of your life. This part is over, you know, is not even talked about. The reason I do what I do is because I have a lot of fun doing it. And I used to think that fun was something that didn’t matter. Like I could get it at the end. Like if I did all this stuff, then I could have fun. I do this because I love it. It’s so much fun to feel pleasure. It’s fun to talk about it. It’s fun to be inclusive with other women and men and however people identify, um, you know, a fluid. Does it matter
Lucia: It’s fun. I love it. That is the number one reason I do what I do because I have fun and fun is like, to me the most honorable goal in this world. I know people are like, oh, you’re such a, you know, money’s honorable. You know, love is honorable. Like all these things, you know, they’re sure they’re honorable. You probably saw the look on my face and thought what is she thinking over there and fun is honorable. But at the same time I was thinking about women who’ve experienced trauma, who may not share the idea that feel that the pleasure and sex are fun. Absolutely. And I have, interestingly enough, I had. Those are the women that I work with and I remember when I started this journey of actually deciding to teach his work, I’m like, I’m only going to work with women who want to have pleasure in their life and Dah, Dah, Dah.
Lucia: And when I came to realize was like, wow, there’s in this day and age, there are, um, that piece of our culture and our society has conditioned us so much around pain. We’re gonna paint oriented culture that the first thing that comes up in our bodies are conditioned and programmed. Our nervous system and our brains are programmed through media, through our experiences, through religion, is to honor the pain first. Always people are like, you got to feel the pain in order to get to the pleasure you got to do this. You know, I’m perfectly, perfectly imperfect. Like all these things that people talk about, like I get it because I used to do the same thing. I’m like, oh, I’m perfectly imperfect. Well, fucking, that’s losing right Help the get go. You’re telling yourself that you’re imperfect and that’s okay. And it’s like, wait, who decides what the fucking perfect is jen
Lucia: You know, really like, it’s a different mindset. You know, people are talking about this mindset stuff. Well let me give you a different viewpoint. You are, you are perfect exactly the way you are. That includes progress. My includes progress and change, but you’re already ahead of the game and telling yourself that you’re perfect because it shifts. Your whole body is shift to like live in your perfection, in your rightness. And when you find yourself, right, what that does, it allows you to find other people write. And how I discovered that journey of finding my rightness or not owning it was actually let go of the shit that didn’t serve me. I, I made a choice to let it go. And I use my orgasm to like understand and build the good feelings through my body. Like I moved that energy. You know, some people do yoga, right
Lucia: Yeah. Well, I just put my finger on my clearest where there are 8,000 nerve endings connected throughout my body. And I’m like literally send good feelings to my body every day. And that, um, it’s, it’s, you know, some people say it’s meditation and this and me, it’s like, it’s fun, it’s fun and you help women recognize that it’s fun and that there’s no shame in that. There’s no shame. And that’s, that’s, you know, um, I know we’re talking a lot about the sexual aspects of this, but underlying this is as much more, you know, knowing how to communicate to actually admit that you want pleasure in your life to understand that like we are goal oriented society and that, you know, we’re being told that we need, you know, we need to get to the end goal, but we’re missing this whole ride of pleasure in everything we do.
Lucia: Um, you know, people are like, are. I’m kind of like, I’m kind of like, you know, the oddball sex educator because a lot of sex educators will promote like vibrators and getting, getting the orgasm out, what we taught cause orgasm, the climax like get to the end. But I think that that’s how we’ve been, um, predispositions and like a man’s world in the patriarchal world of getting it done. Production oriented cycles. Like we get to the end result, then we’re successful and we do that in sex, like what we call sex, penis and vagina. It’s very heterosexual. We do that at work. Like if you actually get the money at the end, that’s going to show us, you know, the results, you know, how many clients did you get Did you do it right You know, all these things like the um, how we, you know, how we define our success in our culture is very goal oriented. Well, how I define success is completely different and it’s, you know, are you having fun, you know, did you, did you enjoy your day
Lucia: Did you, did somebody else reflect that back to you Because that’s successful. You know, somebody like, wow, I feel so good at when I’m around you. Then you can actually go, wow, I’m doing what I’m here to do because we’re, we’re here to like, spread love on this planet, to be love. Like really all we, whatever we consider those good feelings and love. That’s what we’re all here. That’s all we’re all wanting. We’re just not talking about it. We’re not actually saying that we want this, we want to be in connection, we want to be together, you know, having fun. I’m pretty sure that if there is a god or there is any kind of spirit, they’re not like, hey, you’re here to fucking work your ass off and, and own a dog. No, wait a minute. What’s the dog thing is good because that’s fun, right
Jen: Let’s not bring Booker into this.
Lucia: I might as well. I’m a cat person, so I love cats or aliens. Glad we cleared that up. And bookers. Awesome. Here to have fun. Oh my God. One hundred percent wholly. So this is a thing like, you know, you know, as mammals, we’re biologically we are, we are made to be, you know, we have the people who identify as women with those, those biological parts that are given as technically a, traditionally as female. We have that call, right And, and the males respond. Um, but as humans we have frontal lobes too. So we get to make those decisions. So when we look at animals, why do you relate to them It’s like they remind us that they’re just feeling there’s a feeling in it and they bring us good feelings because they’re just pure joy. They’re not thinking about it. They’re not thinking, hey, should I be happier Not.
Jen: One of the reasons that I think it’s important for people like you and me to talk is that we come about our work. We work in totally different areas and we come about things differently. But even for me, I found that when I became more connected with myself, which is a journey that I’m still on, it’s um, it just makes everything so much easier when you begin to accept your body and realize that it does these amazing things and that you don’t need to feel shame all the time.
Lucia: What’s up your whole world It’s true. And it’s interesting because you know, people, like people who identify as women in particular because that’s who I mainly work with. Although I work with people who identify as men and I’m gonna be doing more work with people, identify as men because I think hearing it from a woman, it’s about time. You know, secure. Somebody thinks I’m this connection part, I think it’s very vital because we do a lot of things around in our normal lives around like, um, well I’m going to do yoga to connect to my spirituality. I’m going to do breathing to connect my breath to my heart. I’m going to, you know, walk barefoot to connect my feet to the earth and ground. But traditionally we bypass that piece of our body that is most disconnected generally. And that is our genitals and because we have experienced in a lot of shame and trauma and because we are connected energetically, we are often feeling everybody else’s shame and trauma.
Lucia: And so how do we decipher Is it mine Is it theirs And if you are like me, who somebody who has experienced, you know, um, maybe an abusive household or physical abuse from a partner or verbal abuse or any kind of traumatic experience around their genitals, you know, um, I’ve, you know, my personal story includes an abortion to miscarriages. I’m a planned home birth turned. Um, you know, uh, c-section getting an STI at a young age from a partner that I trusted and having to like deal with that for many years, uh, experiencing physical abuse and being blamed for being too loud and not ending up in jail overnight because of it. Trying to protect myself, um, you know, a household where my father beat my mom up in front of me. I, I get it. I get the traumatic pieces and how they affected how I viewed my genitalia.
Lucia: And historically the massage in my roots, my Italian roots and my religious Catholic roots around shame and guilt around sexuality. I’ve had to unravel and overcome all those pieces I’ve had to experience. Almost every one of my friends go through rape or even close family member get beat up to the point where I went and picked her up with the children and said, never got doing this anymore ever. And the one thing that I had that got me through that I could rely on repeatedly all the time around myself was my. And how I became, came to love and connect was through my orgasm was through self-love, like just as you would look in the mirror and say, I love, you know, people do mirror work. I literally looked at my genitals every day and said, thank you, I love you. You’re beautiful. And um, you know, having had a photography business for so many years, you know, when I started to do this work with other women, I needed something that, you know, women can relate to because it’s really confronting to be like, look at your genitals with the mirror.
Lucia: If you’ve gone through trauma, touch your interest and, you know, get naked in front of tons of women in orgasm. Like I’d be added. They’re like, well, they don’t, you know, I just like went through this massive drama. That is one story that women, you know, I have gone through historically, um, that, you know, one of the reasons I did my trip to Sicily, surrender and central cecily really was around that piece I was being called to preach Stephanie’s island way. That whole, you know, if you’re intimate theology, that piece of like I’m really unraveling the truth around like the choices we make around their sexuality and where, you know, what I’ve learned otherwise is that when we actually, the way to go to heal trauma is actually to own it, own the piece that, you know, uh, working you love yourself more. What was, and this is going to be, this is the tricky part that people are like, you know, do I say this or not, but at some point as some part of the experience because we create our own realities. What piece did you create Can you take responsibility for work Can you take back that piece that you as yours Where can you take the part that, you know, was maybe your innocence where, what part of it did you create
Lucia: And it’s hard to like actually confront that. Like I have had to confront it myself. Like I’m going to cry because I’m like, I have to go there. We had to do those pieces for myself. And when I go in and support women around this and I feel them, I feel them like wanting to move to the other side around shame, around sexual trauma, around abuse, around all those pieces. I remember, you know, like, okay, what did I have to do to get to this point where I can stand for every woman. I had to go through it. I had to understand and love myself to in a place and a point that like, you know, I had to find myself right and perfect. And when I did that, it dissipated everything. Everything changed. And I use my American awesome every day to give to as a testament as a reminder because it’s my, my, my given the one piece that was given to me from the, for the moment I took my first breath, you know, it’s like, hey, you’re here for pleasure.
Lucia: You’re here for fun. You’re here for this. Whatever. The exterior pieces that came in and like, you know, added in Rova tight web around that. You can unwrap those pieces. And that’s why I do what I do because I believe that we are here to like, you know, own this part of ourselves to like, have fun. That’s why I say fun is like not a frivolous goal. It should be the number one thing that you have and experience every day in everything you do. That’s what you really want. You will experience it. Whether it’s like, you know, picking out your favorite flavor of ice cream, taking a walk with your dog. I’m masturbating, you know, having incredible experiences with your best friends, girlfriends, you know, creating hot copy for your, you know, your business. Hey, even celebrating the joys of receiving financial energy and in welcoming that into it’s not separate. People want to compartmentalize, you know, all these pieces, you know, just look at it, you know, when you’re cut off from that piece of pleasure, yeah, we can do it a certain way to get to the goal and still make money. But it’s fucking hard and we. And as much fun as fun. And there’s ups and downs and cycles too. You know, we have to reflect on those two so
Jen: well. And I think that for me, when I started healing from the trauma I experienced, and it’s still a journey, that’s when, when I really started doing the work, that’s when things really moved for me and change and I started my own business and I realized I needed to leave and because I wasn’t willing anymore to experience trauma over and over and over again, that wasn’t good anymore. It wasn’t good enough. And what people don’t realize is that there is another way and when you start to have fun and understand your body and that it’s good and it and make peace with the experiences that you’ve had. And for me, a lot of it was about, and still is about reclaiming the innocence. And, um, the last thing that I still have to do is around forgiveness because I need, I need that so that I can be open again in a way that I was when I was a child, um, because I was
Lucia: very young
Jen: when I experienced trauma. And so it’s that innocence and openness that you have as a, as a kid that, um, was taken from me. Um, but it’s still there and add, I just need to claim it and I’ve been doing that and moving through that. But I think that our bodies are so core, it’s our, it’s like our home, our bodies, our home, and in order to move into other aspects of, of your business fully love. Another person. It, it does start at home.
Lucia: It does. I mean, and you know, at any given time, our circumstances are, our realities are happening to around this, right I think we create realities but the circumstances themselves don’t really define who we are.
Jen: So what do you think we can do as women to lift each other up
Lucia: because Dab tearing each other down. We can tell the truth to each other without anger. Like, you know, just blanketly letting them blatantly saying like, you’re doing a great job. It doesn’t do anybody any favors, but you can generally say, you know, I see how hard you’re working. And um, I noticed that, you know, you’re taking a short cut here. You know, you’re working so hard, but have you thought about slowing down and like having pleasure in your life
Speaker 5: Mm.
Lucia: That’s how I look at it. Like in encouraging women, what we can do, we can encourage each other to like stop making self-care a movement because it’s like a big movement. Like we have to take care of ourselves and we’re all scrambling at the end of the day to like go get a fucking pedicure or bath. It’s like, well, you know, I don’t even look at it like I used to do that too with my women. Like self-care. Put yourself in there because that’s like that’s how you get people to like actually do something. But what I’m realizing is that it, the core foundation of loving yourself is caring deeply for yourself.
Speaker 5: Mm,
Lucia: the pleasure is pleasure, is pleasure itself, is self-caring and so it leads to self-knowing that is caring for yourself deeply.
Lucia: I love it. So when you start like that, like everything else is just icing on the cake. You know when you have your first 10 k a month, it’s icing on the cake. You know, when you get that look from a partner, it’s just icing on the cake because you’re showing up to the table like fully like presence and love and with love no matter what the circumstance. And I’m not saying don’t, you’re not, we’re going to have those. We’re going to have those days that I call being in the shit piles, you know, but you don’t have to stay there and never have to stay there. You know, Shit. Levels, ovaries right here. Well, I think too that like, no,
Jen: when we really know ourselves and make time for joy and pleasure and being in tune with our own bodies, I think it does make those shit pile days fewer and further between or shorter experiences of being in it because you’re, you’re having a different perspective. It’s all about perspective.
Lucia: It is. I mean we can go into the science of orgasm too. I mean, I love. I’m a big. I’m a big brain person and neuroscience geek. You know, I’ve had my brain waves, EEG reading studied while I’ve been heightened states of orgasm where, you know, it shows right there in my brain were where I’m in when I’m in orgasm that my Beta waves are, you know, helping to support me to heal and you know, I’m healing my own body on that level, you know, but good. Those good feelings, you know, you know, people say an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away. Like it’s healthy. It’s healthy to have known full body orgasm, orgasm of any, whether it’s climactic or not, you know, it’s all yummy and it gives you a sense of confidence. It, you know, supports you and have, if you menstruate like less cramping, that was like a byproduct I never expected.
Lucia: It gives you clarity because all the good feelings, oxytocin and all the Yummy love hormones are racing through you. So, you know, before you talk about bills with your partner, go have some more Gazprom because you’re going to come through with like loving that person and not hating them for not doing the dishes or not. You know, we’re spending an extra hundred bucks on a pair of shoes that they wanted or all the little things that we think are so important. Just, you know, melt away all the things that we get angry about suddenly don’t, aren’t really important and the byproduct of pleasure is a lot of fucking fun. I mean, come on like you. What else I think the byproduct, it’s free. It’s totally free. Orgasm is free and it produces it’s free. You don’t have to fucking pay for it. I mean you can pay for it.
Lucia: That’s a whole nother topic. We’re not covering that today, but you know, pleasure is your, is really, you know, people say it is your birthright because you are born. Being born is, you know, having fully sensing beans in a part specifically if you identify as a woman and have an interest, the only function of your interest is to feel pleasure with 8,000 nerve endings just on the exterior portion of the glands of your interest. And then who even knows like all the other pieces that are attached on there in the interior of your body, your source of exquisite joy and knowing and intuition is free. You don’t have to pay Tony Robbins to tell you how amazing you are. You don’t be, you can, you don’t have to, you know, seek outside of yourself. The thing is when you seek within going into that knowing, then you get to gift out and then receive more. You know, that’s what receiving happens and in every part of your life and you know, circumstances still happen. It’s just how you are going to come about them and you’re still receiving. There is a gift it off the things that you’re receiving.
Jen: So it’s a
Lucia: in the moment, but there’s a gift in it. There’s a gift in it
Jen: and it’s about knowing yourself well enough to know what that gift could possibly be. You know what What do you have to offer listeners Because I think we can acknowledge that there are a lot of us out there who maybe aren’t as connected in the same way that you are. We’ve all had different experiences and there are probably a lot of people out there working through shame. So how do you, what do you have to offer What, how do you help people
Lucia: Yeah, well, there’s many ways I help women in particular. I offer courses, foundation courses around sensuality, communication and understanding the differences between sexuality and sensuality and orgasm. The different models of orgasm that are available to you. Um, I offer them, I offer retreats, so I have surrender in central Sicily, which is. I just lied in November, which was fantastic where it’s women through exploring seven feminine fluid archetypes found in mythological, um, you know, in mythology and breaking them down into like those essences and using orgasm to actually embody all of them, you know, and also Sicily. Hello. We never ate raw. We ate so well. We had so much fun and we, you know, had a ritual on a volcano and jumped into the Mediterranean. So you can’t really go wrong at all with exploring, you know, orgasm. Um, I also have something coming up in June that is kind of like my big baby of the year.
Lucia: And that is um, um, supporting, working in, as we talked about women supporting women, working in collaboration with a woman named Gina Hats. It’s who I found quite amazingly randomly on Facebook. Her video that had gone viral and gold cast popped up into my newsfeed and I watched it last summer and it was like, oh my God. And I reached out to her in messenger and she was like, what do I do now And I just said, I think we should be friends. And she’s like, why I’m like, because I know thousands of people are trying to find you right now, but I feel you somewhere in there that we, we know each other. And she responded, asked me questions. We became friends.
Lucia: She friended me and our video’s gone viral and she is overnight created, not her. The video created the too much woman movement around the world and she has an international tour coming up. She’s about to headline the International Women’s summit in Arizona with her. I know she’s about to open it with her too much. Woman was going to say, this is the, you know, are you too much and why are you too much Yes. And she’s going to be on the panel with some of our favorite and when female empowerment movement, women like, you know, Dr Christiane Northrup, Elizabeth Gilbert. And, and um, Lisa Nichols, you know, you name it, she’s going to be on this panel.
Lucia: So it is happening and now it’s in downtown San Francisco on June 8th. You want to buy tickets right now there’s, they’re discounted just for a short time. There’s three tiers. So we want it to be accessible, inclusive, diverse, um, it’s in the stages of sponsorship so you can work with me and not only producing it, but I am actually speaking now at this event as well. Um, so y’all gonna get to hear me speak about what I’m, how I’m a too much woman and what that means in my life and how I use my too much to this to create social change in my world, the in the world.
Lucia: And so Gina is coming out June 8th and we’re having a big party. And in the meantime, I’m teaching courses. Um, I have my central life women’s group program. It actually starts on Tuesday. I don’t think this episode will be out before then, but if somebody is interested they can. It goes on the schedule based on appetite. So when women are like, I would like to understand, you know, how to have more fun, communicate about pleasure, learn about my own orgasm and changed my own, create my own world. Then I run the course. I also have my six-month program that’s coming up in February. So if you’ve taken courses with me and you can take it and if you really want to take that, it’s all about unraveling and creating your own pleasure manifesto and I’m understanding what it means to have a central life and like live in pleasure in all parts of your life.
Lucia: And of course I work one on one as a sex coach and sensuality instructor. So this past year I started to take on private coaching with men and women. So I do coach men privately around, um, understanding their sexuality and what it really means to understand what it means to be a central beam and how to relate with other people, not just women, so it’s not exclusive to heterosexuality. Um, so I want to be clear with that in my courses are for people who identify as women so you don’t have to have a clitoris to take my course because I talk a lot about homologous sex. So if you identify as a woman and you happen to have, um, by biological anatomy of a penis, you are still welcome in these courses. So I’ve really changed the dynamic. For me, I think is cutting edge in the field of full body orgasm and what we’ve used to consider as female orgasm, really breaking down those gender norms is really important to me because I, myself, um, I actually I take down my labels so I don’t like to tell people what I identify as because I just say identify as.
Jen: Yeah. And I really appreciated that when I, I watched a few of your school presentations and I just really appreciated the fact that you’re, you’re talking about things in such a different way that it is so inclusive and I just really appreciate that because we are, we are all humans and we all deserve to have fun and pleasure.
Lucia: We do. And speaking of old school, I still teach on O.school, we’re reformatting but um, I think this, if this comes out before January 23rd, I have, I’m a ask me anything. I’m a sex and sensuality and orgasm expert. Um, so you can actually come on and see me for free. I’m speaking about sex and sensuality and ask me questions. Pick my brain. I will answer anything. Anything you want to ask me a question like, do you own a butt plug Do I don’t know. Whatever you want.
Jen: Wow. Straight to the butt plug.
Lucia: I’m going to give you permission to ask me those questions because you think a lot of people do because I don’t have any shame in talking about any of those things. Anything. I will answer them if it supports you and having more fun in pleasure and I went to the, you know, I don’t even think that that’s an extreme these days, but I’m going to answer it if you want me to.
Jen: Well that’s awesome. We’ll put all of the links in the show notes for how to get in touch with Luchea. Um, thank you so much for joining us on the show today and it’s been a lot of fun and we, as we’ve discussed, everybody needs a little bit more fun. So thank you so much.
Announcer: Thank you for listening to the podcast. Be sure to catch every episode by subscribing on iTunes to learn more. Check out our website and jenmcfarland.com/podcast. The podcast is sponsored by Jen McFarland Consulting online at jenmcfarland.com.
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